The New Testament continues and confirms the Old Testament understanding of marriage.1 Marriage order instituted by God at Creation provides the foundation for a number of New Testament statements on marriage (cf. Matt 5:31, 32; 19:4–6; Rom 7:2, 3; 1 Cor 6:16–18; 7:1–16; Eph 5:21–33). Furthermore, Jesus, Paul, and the New Testament church were unanimous in upholding fidelity in marriage by rejecting any premarital or extramarital sex (cf. Matt 15:19; John 4:17, 18; Acts 15:20, 29; 21:25; 1 Cor 5:9, 11; 6:9, 12–20; 2 Cor 12:21; Gal 5:19, 20; Eph 5:3; Col 3:5; 1 Thess 4:3–8; Heb 13:4; Jas 2:11; Rev 2:14, 20–23).
Jesus affirmed the sanctity and permanence of marriage that was laid down at Creation, especially when He spoke against divorce (Mark 10:11, 12; Matt 5:31, 32; 19:4–6).2 Rather than allowing divorce for any and every reason, Jesus strongly opposed divorce and affirmed the lifelong character of marriage as instituted in the Garden of Eden. Jesus conceived of marriage as inviolable and permanent. Jesus reaffirmed the divine design of marriage in Eden by quoting approvingly Genesis 2:24 and thus pointing the reader back to God’s original pattern. It has been noted that “the principle that the two become one flesh can be fulfilled only by unbroken marriage.”3 According to Guthrie, there can be no doubt “that Jesus regarded marriage as a permanent covenant between husband and wife.”4 Furthermore, He placed a “seal on stable marriage relationships by using the description of the bridegroom for himself (Matt 25:1–13; Mark 2:19; cf. Matt 22:1–14).”5
When Jesus said to the woman of Samaria that the man with whom she lived was not her real husband (John 4:17, 18),6 He reaffirmed the monogamous ideal.7 Jesus underscored the sanctity of marriage by pointing out that adultery does not begin with the actual adulterous act but with the thought in the mind (Matt 5:27, 28).8 Furthermore, although Jesus Himself was unmarried, by attending a marriage feast at Cana and performing His first public miracle there, Jesus approved the institution of marriage as God’s design for the lifelong relationship between a man and a woman (John 2:1–12)9 Incidentally, the wedding at Cana shows that the commencement of marriage in the New Testament, as in the Old Testament, was a public act in which the covenant was ratified before witnesses.
In the story of Mary and Joseph the twofold process of engagement and marriage as outlined in the Old Testament is maintained (cf. Matt 1:16, 18–25; Luke 1:27, 34). The gospel narrative affirms that during the engagement the two had no sexual intercourse because they were not yet married to each other. Thus chastity before marriage is upheld as a pattern. Again marriage is depicted as a public act with legal implications.10
In the New Testament we find no regulations and commandments about a dowry, or a parentally arranged marriage, or a certain marriage ceremony. However, the public and covenantal character of marriage is maintained just as in the Old Testament. Thus, Paul upholds sexual purity during the time of the engagement, and insists on faithfulness to one’s partner in marriage. Taking marriage as an illustration of the relationship between the church and Jesus Christ, Paul asserts, “For I betrothed you to one husband, so that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin” (1 Cor 11:2).
In Ephesians 5:22–33 Paul again turns to marriage to illustrate the relationship between Christ and the church, stressing the ideas of faithfulness (Eph 5:27, “holy and blameless”) and monogamy (Eph 5:28, “his own wife”) in marriage.11 The self-giving love expressed in the love of Christ for His church should also characterize the covenant relationship of marriage. The love of Christ is the foundation for the marriage relationship and is essential to its completeness. As Paul said, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church” (Eph 5:28, 29). Once again the apostle refers back to Creation and the original marriage pattern as instituted by God Himself (Eph 5:31, quoting Gen 2:24). This reference to Creation also includes both the idea of a monogamous marriage—as implied in the creation pattern—and that of the exclusive relationship between the one true God and His church (cf. Eph 4:4, 5). The marriage analogy also encompasses the idea of sacrificial love (Gen 2:24). As there is a public sign that testifies the covenant between man and God before witnesses (baptism), so marriage by implication is a public sign to testify the beginning of a lifelong union between a man and a woman before God and the witnesses.
The monogamous character of marriage is affirmed in other passages in the New Testament as well, for instance when Paul describes the exemplary life of a bishop or elder of the church who must be “the husband of one wife” (1 Tim 3:2; Titus 1:6).
In 1 Thessalonians 4:3–6 Paul admonishes his readers to abstain from sexual immorality by relating to a woman in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion so that “no man transgress and defraud his brother in this matter” (1 Thess 4:6, NKJV). This indicates that one has no right to be sexual promiscuous before, during, or after marriage. To act in such a way would be an act of fraud. Thus virginity and abstinence from sexual intercourse before marriage is the ideal maintained in the New Testament.12
In 1 Corinthians 7:12–17 the apostle Paul indirectly acknowledges the validity of every marriage, even when one partner is not a believer, because people still follow a divine pattern when they are married.13 But the New Testament also upholds the Old Testament view that one should not marry an unbeliever (2 Cor 6:14).14 To share the same faith in marriage is the pattern that is encouraged in the New Testament.
Throughout the New Testament, the sanctity of the marriage institution as given by God in Eden and confirmed in the Ten Commandments at Sinai is upheld. Jesus and the apostles refer to Genesis 2:24 (Matt 19:5; Eph 5:31) and to the enduring validity of the commandment, “You shall not commit adultery” (cf. Matt 5:27; Jas 2:11). Furthermore, same-sex relationships are condemned in the New Testament because they do not conform to the divine pattern of marriage as instituted by God. In other words, same-sex relationships are distortions of the original design (Rom 1:24–32; 1 Cor 6:9–11; 1 Tim 1:10).15 They do not have the natural potential to produce offspring and are missing the dimension of the other that is constitutive for a union between both sexes.
According to the biblical testimony as outlined above, we can reach the following conclusions: marriage, according to the divine pattern as instituted by God Himself at Creation and upheld throughout Scripture, begins with a public ceremony that has spiritual connotations before God.16 It establishes an exclusive covenant relationship between one man and one woman, intended to be a permanent and lifelong communion. Moreover, the public ceremony in society that marks the beginning of a marriage has legal connotations—according to various traditions and cultures—that ensures certain rights and protection to the marriage. This public and legal dimension demonstrates that love takes seriously the other person, because one is willing to publicly commit oneself to this other person. Thus the public commitment offers the framework in which mutual love can grow and provides the safety where love can express itself unreservedly. Thus marriage is more than just friendship. It is not constituted through private promise nor through sexual intercourse. Yet mutual consent is important. There must be a “yes” of the covenant partners. If one partner is opposed to the union, there is rape, not marriage!
According to the biblical testimony, marriage is an exclusive, lifelong covenant relationship between one man and one woman. The mutual commitments to lifelong fidelity and love are given in a public covenant, and ideally in the presence of God and witnesses. And this should be done according to the customs acknowledged in different contexts and cultures, insofar as such customs do not contradict biblical principles. Covenant fidelity includes chastity before marriage and faithfulness in marriage. The public and juridical act in the presence of God and witnesses documents the social responsibility that is associated with marriage, indicating that marriage is not just a private enterprise. The holy covenant of marriage, made in the presence of God, signals that the believer is called to live under the guidance and through the encouragement of God’s Word. Therefore the Bible endorses the need to share the same faith commitment by both marriage partners as an important element of marriage life. A marriage conducted according to God’s Word indicates that the marriage partners seek God’s blessing, forgiveness, protection, and guidance.
Ancient Israel never produced a marriage manual for its citizens. While details in customs and traditions may vary, the basic elements constituted by God in Eden remain normative for any subsequent biblical view of marriage. The act of leaving and cleaving makes clear that marriage has a public character with legal connotations. At the same time it is a deeply religious act that is performed by God Himself. Only after the leaving and cleaving has provided the framework of safety, can the fullest intimacy intended by the sexual union be enjoyed with the deepest love and trust, as determined by God’s order of creation.17
The biblical institution of marriage is often described as a symbol of God’s covenant with His people. Here the aspects of unity, sacrificial love, faithfulness, and permanence between the covenant partners are important as well as the mutual consent and public character of the marriage covenant. The covenantal and church-bride imagery suggest that these qualities are essential to marriage from a biblical perspective.
As such, marriage is the foundation for the family, the smallest social unit of society. The Bible depicts marriage and the family as the place where new life is conceived and where this life is nurtured and transmitted through the interplay of the succeeding generations. Although marriage in the biblical sense is not a sacrament as Catholics understand it, marriage is nevertheless “a vehicle used by God to train the man and the woman (and their children) in the life of faith. … This is why a Christian marriage and family must be committed and subjected to Jesus Christ. And this is also why marriage and the family must be viewed not as an obstacle to personal holiness, purity and sanctification, but as an important key to the development of these and other virtues.”18
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1 This is recognized by many scholars. For a recent article, see Andreas Köstenberger, “Marriage and Family in the New Testament,” in Marriage and Family in the Biblical World, ed. Ken M. Campbell (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 2003), 240–284.
2 According to Ernst Lohmeyer and Werner Schmauch, Das Evangelium des Matthäus, Kritischexegetischer Kommentar über das Neue Testament (Göttingen: Vandenhoeck & Ruprecht, 1962), 129, the statements about divorce are likely an explanation of the commandment: “You shall not commit adultery” (Exod 20:14). Cf. also more recently G. F. Hawthorne, “Marriage and Divorce, Adultery and Incest,” in Dictionary of Paul and His Letters, eds. Gerald F. Hawthorne and Ralph P. Martin (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 1993), 595.
3 R. T. France, “Matthew,” in New Bible Commentary (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 1994), 929, says, “Jesus restates God’s original purpose of the permanence of marriage” (912).
4 France, “Matthew,” 950.
5 Donald Guthrie, New Testament Theology (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 1981), 949.
6 Andreas J. Köstenberger, John Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 2004), 153, suggests the possibility of a wordplay involving the word anēr “which can mean either ‘man’ or ‘husband.’ If so, Jesus may be telling the woman that she has had five ‘men’ (with whom she lived in fornication) and that the one she is now living with is not her ‘man,’ that is, husband (though he may be that of another woman): note the emphatic position of ‘your’ in the Greek.”
7 It has been pointed out by D. A. Carson, The Gospel According to John (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1991), 221, that “Rabbinic opinion disapproved more than three marriages, even though they were legally permissible.” In the same vein, Andrew T. Lincoln, The Gospel according to Saint John (London: Continuum, 2005), 175, says, “In first-century Judaism it was quite unusual to have more than three marriages in a lifetime (rabbis only permitted a widow to marry a second or at most a third time) and, in any case, there is no indication that the sixth male here has refused to marry the Samaritan woman, which would be his right under levirate laws; instead, she is living with this man in a sexual relationship. Anyone in the woman’s situation would be bound to have been viewed as morally suspect.” Cf. Hermann L. Strack and Paul Billerbeck, Das Evangelium nach Markus, Lukas und Johannes und die Apostelgeschichte erläutert aus Talmud und Midrasch (Munich: C. H. Beck’sche Verlagsbuchhandlung, 1924), 437.
8 Only the real adulterous act, however, provides a biblical ground for divorce, although even then forgiveness and reconciliation should be the first option.
9 Interestingly, Jesus never demands singleness. While he recognizes the necessity to give our first priority to God and His kingdom rather than to one’s partner or family (cf. Luke 14:26). He in no way prohibits marriage. Neither does He elevate the unmarried state to a position superior to that of marriage. In just one passage Jesus viewed celibacy as a gift bestowed on certain people by God (Matt 19:12; on this passage see F. F. Bruce, Dies ist eine harte Rede: Schwer verständliche Worte Jesu erklärt [Wuppertal: R. Brockhaus Verlag, 1985], 48–50). According to Mackie and Ewing, 2:137, “Christ gave to marriage the support of His own presence.”
10 On Jewish customs and marriage festivities, see Alfred Edersheim, The Life and Times of Jesus the Messiah (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1981), 352–357.
11 Hawthorne, 597, writes, “Paul proclaims the sacredness and honorableness of marriage by boldly using the marriage bond between husband and wife as an analogy of the bond that has been forged between Christ and the believing community.”
12 Commenting on 1 Thessalonians 4:6, Leon Morris, The First and Second Epistles to the Thessalonians, The New International Commentary on the New Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1991), 124, affirms that “promiscuity before marriage represents the robbing of the other of that virginity which ought to be brought to a marriage. The future partner of such a one has been defrauded.” Perhaps Paul also had in mind an illegitimate sexual relationship with the wife of a married man.
13 Cf. Cornes, 66, 81–82.
14 See Rodríguez, “Mixed Marriages,” Adventist Review, August 8 2002, 11.
15 Frank M. Hasel, “Bibel und Homosexualität,” Zeichen der Zeit 4 (2000), 4–6.
16 The father often serves as the priest of the family and gives God’s blessing to the couple. On the important role of the father in the Bible, see Block, 40–52.
17 Bower and Knapp, 3:261.
18 Köstenberger, “Marriage and Family in the New Testament,” 255.