Loss

Throughout the Bible, people wrestle with grief. Jacob is inconsolable at the loss of his son Joseph. Bathsheba mourns her husband Uriah. David weeps for Absalom and cannot be consoled. In Psalm 137 and the book of Lamentations, the Jews mourn their home as they endure the Babylonian exile. Even Jesus cries at the death of His friend Lazarus.

Loss can leave us feeling empty, unsettled, and adrift. A sense of loss can take many forms. We may experience it when we move to a new place, change school or teachers, or lose a friend or family member to death. We may grieve the loss of familiar routines, our sense of security, or a friendship. We may be saddened by anniversaries, holidays, unmet expectations, or an item that reminds us of someone we’ve lost. Our grief may spur from something intangible, such as the loss of a dream or goal.

Each of us experiences grief in our own way. Some people isolate themselves, while others struggle with depression, anger, and regret. Some people never move past their initial sense of shock, and some try to appear invincible or carefree. Others try to ignore their loss by distracting themselves with alcohol, drugs, or reckless behavior.

How can we cope with loss in a healthy way? It can help to find solace in music, writing poetry or journaling, or meditating in a quiet place. A friend who lets us talk or be quiet, as needed, can be invaluable. Our loss never fully leaves us, but with time and healthy coping mechanisms, we can heal.

Remember:

• However you feel is legitimate, because it’s how you feel. If someone says, “You don’t mean that” when you tell them “I’m okay with what happened,” or “Get over it” when you say you’re upset, remember that your feelings are your own. People may say “God knows best, so you shouldn’t question Him or be angry,” but many of the Psalms express their writer’s frustration with God, such as Psalms 44 and 83. Remember that something that seems insignificant (in size or importance) to someone else may be quite big to you, or vice versa. You may feel “relieved” by your loss because a loved one is no longer living in pain, you are no longer responsible for someone who needs a high level of care, or you don’t have to continue down a path that didn’t seem quite right for you.
• Your timeline for grief or method of dealing with loss can’t be prescribed by someone else. There are commonalities regarding what the bereaved often experience, but you have to “do” grief your own way. You should respect other people’s need to grieve in their own ways or react differently than you might.
• Grief is tiring. People cry themselves to sleep because they’ve run out of energy.
• There is no timeline for grief. It will eventually become “familiar” and, in general, sting less, but your feelings will ebb and flow.
• It’s okay to stop grieving (or grieve with diminished intensity). Life moves on. You do not dishonor the memory of a loved one by taking care of yourself and making the most of your life.
• As you live through loss, know that you are not alone. Finding and choosing positive ways to cope can be challenging, but they will leave you healthier in the end.
• Seek the companionship of family and friends who provide a safe space to grieve. These are willing to listen to you and make you feel comfortable in your loss. Expressing your feelings and thoughts in a safe environment is a powerful catalyst for healing. Usually, grief will improve with time, but if the sadness remains or life seems hopeless, seek professional help.

Jesus declared a blessing on those who mourn, “for they shall be comforted” (Matt. 5:4). God helps us face loss and grief through prayer, meditating on spiritual thoughts, and participating in religious services and community. Paul wrote, “my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19). As you journey through grief, remember that God is with you every step of the way.