Abusive Relationships

While there is widespread recognition of domestic violence which takes place within a family unit, dating violence can occur at any time between current or former romantic partners of any age, including youth and young adults. Dating violence often begins with emotional abuse, but may also involve physical, sexual, and psychological abuse and stalking. The abuse may occur in person, or through electronic means such as text messaging or social media. Examples of abuse within a relationship include: harassing or threatening in order to cause fear or concern for one's safety, hitting, kicking, shoving, biting, hair-pulling, beating, striking with a fist or heavy object, choking, burning, stabbing, name-calling, insulting, bullying, humiliating, monitoring or controlling behavior, any unwanted sexual contact or activity, unfairly accusing the victim of being unfaithful, telling the victim he or she deserves the abuse, blaming the victim for the perpetrator's violent outbursts, and threats by the perpetrator to harm themselves or someone else if the victim does something against their wishes.

Young people may be at increased risk of experiencing dating violence if they believe violence is an acceptable way of expressing anger or jealousy, use drugs or other mind-altering substances, have witnessed violence at home, or have previously experienced other trauma. Media portrayals and the behavior of friends may lead someone to believe that dating violence is normal, or they may be embarrassed that it is happening to them and be uncomfortable discussing it with anyone.

The consequences of dating violence can be significant. Youth may have strained or distant relationships with family and friends, engage in risky or harmful behaviors, perform poorly in school, or suffer physical injuries which may or may not require medical treatment. They may also experience depression, anxiety, or even thoughts of suicide. People who endure abuse early in life are more vulnerable to violence as adults.

If you are in a violent relationship, identify a trusted family member or friend in whom you can confide. Teachers, pastors, counselors, and health care providers can connect you to local resources. Depending on your circumstances, you may need assistance from the police to safely separate from your abuser.

The apostle Paul wrote, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Cor. 13:4-7, NIV). Don’t settle for a selfish, impatient, arrogant, degrading, spiteful, possessive, score-keeping love.